This article is for you if you’re considering divorce but haven’t decided yet. It covers how to think clearly about the choice, what to do before you commit, and when a consultation actually helps.
Filing a petition is a legal act with financial, parenting, and emotional consequences that reach years into the future. The decision is worth getting right, and the time you spend weighing it now pays off later. So before you operationalize anything into a court filing, work through the considerations below.
Make Sure You Actually Want to End the Marriage
The first question isn’t about assets or parenting schedules. It’s about whether you actually want to end the marriage.
The reason matters. Divorce is expensive in money, time, and emotional capacity. If the marriage is genuinely reparable, filing first and exploring repair second usually fails both. Once a petition is filed, positions harden, attorneys get involved, and the practical logistics of separation begin to move.
That doesn’t mean people should stay in marriages they’ve outgrown or that are causing them harm. It means the question “am I sure” deserves real reflection before it gets operationalized into a legal proceeding.
A few things worth considering:
Have you exhausted reasonable repair options?
Marriage counseling, individual therapy, and honest conversations with your spouse are worth trying if the relationship might benefit from them. If you’ve tried these and they haven’t changed the trajectory, you’ll move forward with clearer conviction. If you haven’t, it’s worth asking whether it’s the right moment to file.
Are you reacting to a specific event or a persistent pattern?
Divorce decisions made in the wake of a single acute event sometimes get reversed. Divorce decisions made after sustained reflection on a long-term pattern don’t. Giving yourself time between the event and the decision helps clarify which category you fall into.
Have you talked with someone outside the situation?
A therapist, a trusted friend, a faith leader, or a family member not involved in the conflict can help you distinguish what you actually think from what you feel in the moment.
None of this applies to situations involving abuse, coercion, or immediate safety concerns. If you or your children are in danger, the reflection period is not the right frame of reference. Safety comes first, and a family law attorney can help you think through protection orders and emergency options.
What to Do Before You File for Divorce
If you’ve done the reflection and you’re moving forward, the period between “I’m going to do this” and “I’ve filed” is valuable. Here’s how to use it.
Protect Separate Property From Commingling
Colorado treats marital and separate property differently under C.R.S. § 14-10-113. Assets you owned before the marriage, gifts received in your name alone, and inheritances received in your name alone are separate property and remain yours, provided they were kept separate throughout the marriage.
The issue is commingling. Separate assets lose their separate character when they get mixed with marital funds. Common patterns:
- Depositing an inheritance into a joint account
- Using trust distributions to pay the mortgage on a jointly titled home
- Titling a premarital asset in both spouses’ names
- Using marital income to maintain or improve a separate asset
If you have separate property you want to protect, now is the time to stop commingling. Don’t move or hide anything you’ve already commingled. That creates different problems. But going forward, keep separate funds in separately titled accounts, document the source of any separate deposits, and avoid using separate assets for marital purposes.
Understand Your Own Financial Picture
If your spouse has handled most financial matters during the marriage, catch up on your own knowledge before you file. You don’t need to take any action yet. You need to know what exists.
That means understanding:
- The accounts you and your spouse hold, jointly or separately
- The retirement assets each of you has
- The real estate you own, and what it’s worth
- The debts that exist, and whose names they’re in
- What each of you earns, including bonuses, commissions, and equity compensation
- What monthly expenses your household actually run at
This knowledge doesn’t change the divorce, but it changes your ability to think clearly about it. Colorado’s mandatory disclosure rules under C.R.C.P. 16.2 will require this information to be formally produced once the case is filed. Having your own read beforehand makes those disclosures easier to interpret rather than overwhelming.
Think About Priorities Before Emotions Do
The swell of emotion that accompanies divorce can put you in a reactive posture where you’re focused on protecting yourself from each new hit rather than on moving forward with purpose. That’s exhausting and rarely productive.
Before filing, take time to think through:
What matters most to you? Stability for your children. The family home. Your retirement security. A quick resolution. Maintaining your relationship with extended family. A fair financial outcome. These won’t all rank equally, and you’ll have choices to make.
What are you willing to trade? Every divorce involves tradeoffs. Knowing what you’d trade for what is how you approach negotiations from a position of clarity instead of scarcity.
What would a reasonable outcome look like? Not a maximum outcome. A reasonable one, given the facts of your marriage, your finances, and Colorado law. Most divorces end in negotiated agreements, not courtroom victories. Knowing what “reasonable” means for your situation is more useful than fighting for “best.”
Working through these before you file puts you in a position to make strategic decisions instead of reactive ones once the process is underway.
What to Consider If You Share Children
If you share minor children with your spouse, their experience of the divorce depends heavily on the choices you make both during and after. Some things worth committing to before you file:
Keep them out of the middle
Don’t communicate with your spouse through your children. Don’t use them to gather information. Don’t ask them to keep secrets from the other parent.
Protect their other relationships
Unless there are safety concerns, your children will benefit from maintaining their relationship with their other parent. This is also the legal default in Colorado under the Allocation of Parental Responsibilities framework, and, going into the process, being committed to meaningful time-sharing positions you well.
Be honest in age-appropriate ways
Children don’t need adult details. They do need to know what’s happening, that both parents love them, and that the divorce is not their fault. Therapists who work with children of divorce can help you plan those conversations.
Expect your own grief alongside theirs
Watching your children go through the emotional work of adjustment while you’re also adjusting is hard. Getting your own support in place before you file helps.
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Getting Realistic About What You Can and Can’t Control
A few things divorcing spouses frequently learn the hard way.
You cannot control your spouse
If your spouse is determined to be difficult, you can’t negotiate your way out of it. You can prepare, position, and make sound decisions. You can’t make your spouse reasonable.
You cannot recreate the standard of living of a marriage on one income
Most households take a financial hit in divorce. Two households cost more than one. Planning for the reality is better than hoping it’s different.
Your friend’s divorce is not your divorce
Different facts produce different outcomes. Colorado law applies to your situation, not to the anecdote you heard at dinner. Anchoring your expectations to someone else’s case sets you up for frustration.
Most divorces settle
You may be imagining courtroom battles, but the majority of Colorado divorces are resolved through negotiated agreement. How you prepare for negotiation matters more than how you prepare for trial.
When a Consultation Makes Sense
A consultation isn’t a commitment to file. It’s a conversation that helps you think clearly. People find it useful at several different stages:
Before deciding. To understand how a divorce would realistically play out, given your facts, so you’re deciding with information rather than in the dark.
After deciding, before filing. To plan the timing, the pre-filing steps, and the initial approach.
After your spouse has said they want to file. To understand what’s coming and what your options are.
After you’ve been served. To respond appropriately and protect your position.
Frequently Asked Questions About Considering Divorce in Colorado
Does talking to a divorce attorney mean I have to file?
No. Many of the people we meet with never file, whether because they reconcile, separate informally, or choose another path. A consultation is a conversation, not a commitment.
Should I tell my spouse I’m consulting with an attorney?
That’s a personal decision and depends on your relationship and circumstances. In cases involving safety concerns, many attorneys recommend against disclosing early. In more amicable situations, some clients find it helpful to be open. A consultation can help you think through what makes sense for your situation.
What’s the difference between legal separation and divorce in Colorado?
Legal separation produces a court order dividing property, addressing children, and setting support, but the marriage itself isn’t dissolved. Some couples choose it for religious reasons, for healthcare coverage considerations, or as a preliminary step. The process is similar to divorce in most respects.
How long does a Colorado divorce take?
The statutory minimum is 91 days from service of the petition under C.R.S. § 14-10-106. In practice, uncontested cases often resolve in 91 to 120 days, and contested cases can take many months to more than a year, depending on complexity.
What does filing cost?
The current filing fee for a petition for dissolution of marriage in Colorado is $260. Attorney fees are separate and vary based on the complexity of your case and how contested the issues are.
Can I undo a filing if I change my mind?
Yes. A petitioner may withdraw a petition before it becomes a final decree, though procedural steps may be required. A consultation can help you understand your options if you’ve filed and want to pause or stop.
Talk It Through With a Colorado Family Law Attorney
CNL Law Firm meets regularly with people who haven’t decided whether to file, and those conversations are some of the most valuable we have. A consultation isn’t a commitment to anything. It’s a chance to get straight answers about how a divorce would realistically look in your situation and whether it’s the right next step. You’ll speak with a licensed attorney who practices exclusively in Colorado family law, and if our approach doesn’t fit your situation, we’ll say so.
Contact us today for a free consultation.
